Current mood:

irritated

Am I a completely heartless bastard?
. . . . .

Family drama... I fucking hate it.

Quick backstory: I'm not very close with my father's side of the family. My parents were divorced when I was a baby, yet my mom & dad remained civil to each other; and I visited my father & grandmother regularly when I growing up. In my early adult life I lived with them for a number of years as well.

However -- I do not feel emotionally close to my father, my grandmother, or my uncle (his brother). Their way of communicating and dealing with each other is COMPLETELY different to how I was raised while growing up & living with my mom, stepdad, and brothers.

Mom's side: Emotionally open, confrontational, sometimes volatile but ultimately resulting in strong bonds, mutual trust, respect, and love. They drive me crazy sometimes but I deeply love them all and have fun hanging out with them.

Dad's side: Passive aggressive, non-confrontational, emotionally shallow. (example: Whenever Family Member #1 was upset with Family Member #2, #1 would complain to Family Member #3 instead of confronting #2... #3 would then confront #2 on #1's behalf, etc.) For me, almost complete alienation. I feel awkward visiting them most of the time and am passive-aggressively made to feel guilty almost every time I deal with any of them.

With all that out of the way, here's the situation.

My grandmother had been living with my father, who has been taking care of her. She's pretty much okay for the most part but is getting on in years, is a bit feeble & can't live alone. They kind of have a co-dependent relationship; he's somewhat of a momma's boy. She wakes him up to go to work and cooks for him, or at least she used to.

A couple of weeks ago, she was admitted to the hospital for various health problems and is now in a nursing home, possibly long-term but not definitely.

Sooooooo.... I got a call from my uncle (her other son) a couple of days ago, he told me that she had called him and asked him to call me to request that I call her (--- Jesus fucking christ....).

I called her and she asked me to do her a "favor" -- cringing, I asked what the favor was.

She asked me if I would cook meals for my father, several times a week, and bring them to him. And another thing, I would have to call him to find out his schedule, since he works third shift and odd days, to find out when he'd be around.

My father is NOT disabled, or incapable of feeding himself in ANY WAY. My grandmother is concerned, however, that he'll only be eating frozen dinners, etc. She suggested I make him things like lasagna, whole roast chickens, etc.. stuff that he could eat & have leftovers for a couple of days.

I was completely unprepared for this when she asked me.

And to be honest, I was, and AM, pretty pissed off about it. What she asked is a HUGE imposition, considering:

1.) I RARELY COOK FOR MYSELF, LET ALONE ANYBODY ELSE.
2.) I have my OWN life -- I work, I have shit to do around the house, I have my OWN business to attend to. No offense toward my father, but I don't have the time to rearrange my schedule around HIS.
3.) If he needs or wants my help, even if it's just to have some company to visit, THEN LET HIM ASK ME HIMSELF.

Now, I don't really mind bringing him some leftovers of a meal I've made -- sometimes I DO make a big pot of something-or-other which I can't possibly finish, and in that case I don't mind sharing it. But to make him full meals SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK -- to go OUT OF MY WAY to shop, prepare, and then take time out of my schedule to go out-of-town to bring him food is a bit excessive. I mostly live on sandwiches and frozen dinners myself!

I don't even go food-shopping for MY OWN NEEDS some weeks! I am single, child-free, and LAZY and I LIKE it that way.

I'm guessing that part of the reason she asked me to do this is to take the place of her "mothering" him, since she won't be around. I am his DAUGHTER for christ's sake, I'm NOT going to fulfill the role of mother or wife. I CHOSE to not have a spouse or children for that very reason -- because I don't WANT that kind of responsibility or obligation.

Another thing that grates me about the whole situation: If I had been a son, instead of a daughter, my grandmother would NOT have asked me to do this -- because it's "women's work." Well, I flat-out REFUSE to do "women's work."

As angry as I am about this, I also feel incredibly guilty. Why the hell should I sacrifice so much of my free time to serve my father, thereby kissing the ass of my grandmother, when my relationships with them are completely DEVOID of any real emotional attachment? Yet I feel awful for feeling angry about it.

Does this make me a complete asshole?

I don't really know how the hell I am going to handle all of this. If I don't do it, I'll get guilt-tripped until I fucking scream. All I REALLY want to do is ignore ALL of them. None of them call ME unless they want me to fulfill family-event obligations -- birthdays, Mother's Day/Father's Day, etc. --actually, come to think of it, they almost never call me even THEN. I am expected to contact them for those, and woe be to me if I FORGET.

I have actually considered moving across the country just to get the fuck away from them. :\

. . . . .