Nebulosus Severine

Moved

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 03:59:07 GMT

I've moved to Blogger. The new address is:

http://chromotive.blogspot.com/

So please update your links & stuff. Not much is on there yet.

Peace out.

--Neb.

Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 03:13:49 GMT

. . . . .

(source: http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/)

First off, there are those who are reading this who might not know which camp they fall into, the extrovert or the introvert. Chances are, the majority of those reading this will know, but for those who don’t, let’s define those two terms here very broadly.

Extroverts tend to be those who are more energized when around other people. They are the ones who will reach for the cell phone when alone for more than a minute, the ones who love to go out every weekend, the ones who love to chit chat, mingle, and socialize.

Introverts tend to be those who are more energized when alone with themselves. They are the ones who have to be dragged to parties, who are the first ones ready to leave after a short period of time, and who generally enjoy solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.

The qualities and characteristics of introverts are often held in a negative light in today’s world, so it’s only natural that the majority of people seem to think that there’s something wrong with them.

The reason why the majority of people think that there’s something wrong with introverts is because the majority of people aren’t very knowledgeable when it comes to introverts, in terms of why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.

Many people tend to hold several potentially damaging misconceptions about introverts, but through no fault of their own.

I’ve been on both sides of the extrovert/introvert fence, and I can understand why extroverts tend to view introverts in a negative light, socially speaking, so I thought it would be best to write an article dedicated to helping extroverts understand their often very misunderstood introvert counterparts.

My hope is this article will help solve that problem by shedding some light as to why introverts are the way they are and do the things they do, so here are 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts.

1. If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.

This is probably THE biggest misconception that extroverts tend to have when it comes to introverts.

And you can’t really blame them for having that kind of misconception.

Extroverts tend to have to drag introverts to parties, to convince them to go and sell them on attending social engagements. When introverts politely decline, extroverts automatically assume that something might be wrong so they always ask if everything’s all right and of course, everything is all right. It’s just a common misunderstanding. When extroverts see a pattern like this developing, they automatically assume that introverts are shy or anti-social as that can be the only logical explanation to them.

What’s more, when extroverts try to engage introverts in small talk, it seems like they hit a brick wall.

Add to that, most extroverts see that introverts tend to be fond of engaging in solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.

Well, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it must be a duck right?

Wrong.

Introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, and complex thinking.

Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them.

There’s a deeper science to this that involves differences in the levels of brain chemicals such as acetylcholine and dopamine in extroverts and introverts, but I won’t get into that.

The bottom line is that introverts are just wired differently than extroverts. There’s nothing “wrong” with them. They just become energized through different processes depending on where the majority of their brain activity takes place.

Granted there are introverts who may be shy and anti-social, but that’s just a coincidence that perpetuates the myth that ALL introverts are like that.

You’ll find that all introverts are fine just the way they are until people begin to subtly suggest otherwise.

2. Introverts tend to dislike small talk.

If you really want to engage an introvert in conversation, skip the small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met.

This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.

Why?

Because extroverts notice that introverts don’t talk that much with other people. Therefore, extroverts assume that introverts think they’re too good to talk to others, hence arrogant and that’s hardly the case.

It’s just a matter of preference.

Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.

There’s nothing wrong with either choice, it’s just a matter of preference.

This brings us to the third point.

3. Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.

Yes, it’s true. Contrary to the majority of public opinion, introverts do like to socialize, but again, only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.

Introverts love anything that involves deep conversation. They get energized by discussing subjects that are important to them and they love see what and how other people think, to connect the dots, to dig deep, to find root causes, to use logical thinking via debate in conversation, etc.

And what’s more, introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.

4. Introverts need time alone to recharge.

Extroverts tend to think introverts have something against them as they constantly seem to refuse generous invites to social engagements. Introverts do appreciate the offers, but it’s just that they know it will take a lot of energy out of them if they pursue these social functions.

They need time alone like they need food and water. Give them their space. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re not depressed and they’re not sad. They just need time alone to recharge their batteries.

5. Introverts are socially well adjusted.

Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people.

This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.

It’s easy to understand why society tends to value extroverts over introverts. Human beings have lived in a tribal society so having to interact frequently with people came to be a regarded as a very good skill when it came to survival.

But because of this high value placed on extroversion, introverts tend to feel trapped and find themselves in a catch 22 situation.

Do introverts stay true to who they are and risk social alienation and isolation or do introverts conform and join the extroverted side, pretending to be somebody they’re not just to fit in?

This is precisely why I wrote this article, because if the extroverts can become more educated about introverts, introverts will be able to feel free to stay true to who they are, and that’s a good thing from society’s point of view.

Trying to “turn” an introverted person into an extroverted person is detrimental because it gives off a subtle suggestion that there is something wrong with them, hampering their self worth and esteem when there is absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.

There’s nothing wrong with introverts.

In fact, introverts are the leading pioneers of advancements in human civilization. Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin are a few introverts that come to mind, just to name a few.

And for those of you not interested in science, but pop culture, you’ll be surprised to see a lot of well known names in Hollywood are introverts as well. Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg, Tom Cruise to name a few as well.

And for those interested in sports, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods come to mind as athletes who are introverts as well.

Introverts have a lot to bring to the table. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination as well.

The more extroverts become knowledgeable about introverts, the less tension and misunderstanding there will be among the two.

So if you’re an introvert reading this, send a copy of this article to all your extrovert friends so they can get a better idea of what you’re all about.

It’s time to finally clear the air.

. . . . .

Some reading material you might wanna catch up on.

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 06:53:51 GMT

. . . . .

THE MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH.
by Edgar Allan Poe

THE "Red Death" had long devastated the country. No pestilence had ever been so fatal, or so hideous. Blood was its Avatar and its seal -- the redness and the horror of blood. There were sharp pains, and sudden dizziness, and then profuse bleeding at the pores, with dissolution. The scarlet stains upon the body and especially upon the face of the victim, were the pest ban which shut him out from the aid and from the sympathy of his fellow-men. And the whole seizure, progress and termination of the disease, were the incidents of half an hour.

But the Prince Prospero was happy and dauntless and sagacious. When his dominions were half depopulated, he summoned to his presence a thousand hale and light-hearted friends from among the knights and dames of his court, and with these retired to the deep seclusion of one of his castellated abbeys. This was an extensive and magnificent structure, the creation of the prince's own eccentric yet august taste. A strong and lofty wall girdled it in. This wall had gates of iron. The courtiers, having entered, brought furnaces and massy hammers and welded the bolts. They resolved to leave means neither of ingress or egress to the sudden impulses of despair or of frenzy from within. The abbey was amply provisioned. With such precautions the courtiers might bid defiance to contagion. The external world could take care of itself. In the meantime it was folly to grieve, or to think. The prince had provided all the appliances of pleasure. There were buffoons, there were improvisatori, there were ballet-dancers, there were musicians, there was Beauty, there was wine. All these and security were within. Without was the "Red Death."

It was toward the close of the fifth or sixth month of his seclusion, and while the pestilence raged most furiously abroad, that the Prince Prospero entertained his thousand friends at a masked ball of the most unusual magnificence.

It was a voluptuous scene, that masquerade. But first let me tell of the rooms in which it was held. There were seven -- an imperial suite. In many palaces, however, such suites form a long and straight vista, while the folding doors slide back nearly to the walls on either hand, so that the view of the whole extent is scarcely impeded. Here the case was very different; as might have been expected from the duke's love of the bizarre. The apartments were so irregularly disposed that the vision embraced but little more than one at a time. There was a sharp turn at every twenty or thirty yards, and at each turn a novel effect. To the right and left, in the middle of each wall, a tall and narrow Gothic window looked out upon a closed corridor which pursued the windings of the suite. These windows were of stained glass whose color varied in accordance with the prevailing hue of the decorations of the chamber into which it opened. That at the eastern extremity was hung, for example, in blue -- and vividly blue were its windows. The second chamber was purple in its ornaments and tapestries, and here the panes were purple. The third was green throughout, and so were the casements. The fourth was furnished and lighted with orange -- the fifth with white -- the sixth with violet. The seventh apartment was closely shrouded in black velvet tapestries that hung all over the ceiling and down the walls, falling in heavy folds upon a carpet of the same material and hue. But in this chamber only, the color of the windows failed to correspond with the decorations. The panes here were scarlet -- a deep blood color. Now in no one of the seven apartments was there any lamp or candelabrum, amid the profusion of golden ornaments that lay scattered to and fro or depended from the roof. There was no light of any kind emanating from lamp or candle within the suite of chambers. But in the corridors that followed the suite, there stood, opposite to each window, a heavy tripod, bearing a brazier of fire that protected its rays through the tinted glass and so glaringly illumined the room. And thus were produced a multitude of gaudy and fantastic appearances. But in the western or black chamber the effect of the fire-light that streamed upon the dark hangings through the blood-tinted panes, was ghastly in the extreme, and produced so wild a look upon the countenances of those who entered, that there were few of the company bold enough to set foot within its precincts at all.

It was in this apartment, also, that there stood against the western wall, a gigantic clock of ebony. Its pendulum swung to and fro with a dull, heavy, monotonous clang; and when the minute-hand made the circuit of the face, and the hour was to be stricken, there came from the brazen lungs of the clock a sound which was clear and loud and deep and exceedingly musical, but of so peculiar a note and emphasis that, at each lapse of an hour, the musicians of the orchestra were constrained to pause, momentarily, in their performance, to hearken to the sound; and thus the waltzers perforce ceased their evolutions; and there was a brief disconcert of the whole gay company; and, while the chimes of the clock yet rang, it was observed that the giddiest grew pale, and the more aged and sedate passed their hands over their brows as if in confused reverie or meditation.

But when the echoes had fully ceased, a light laughter at once pervaded the assembly; the musicians looked at each other and smiled as if at their own nervousness and folly, and made whispering vows, each to the other, that the next chiming of the clock should produce in them no similar emotion; and then, after the lapse of sixty minutes, (which embrace three thousand and six hundred seconds of the Time that flies,) there came yet another chiming of the clock, and then were the same disconcert and tremulousness and meditation as before.

But, in spite of these things, it was a gay and magnificent revel. The tastes of the duke were peculiar. He had a fine eye for colors and effects. He disregarded the decora of mere fashion. His plans were bold and fiery, and his conceptions glowed with barbaric lustre. There are some who would have thought him mad. His followers felt that he was not. It was necessary to hear and see and touch him to be sure that he was not.

He had directed, in great part, the moveable embellishments of the seven chambers, upon occasion of this great fete; and it was his own guiding taste which had given character to the masqueraders. Be sure they were grotesque. There were much glare and glitter and piquancy and phantasm -- much of what has been since seen in "Hernani." There were arabesque figures with unsuited limbs and appointments. There were delirious fancies such as the madman fashions. There was much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust. To and fro in the seven chambers there stalked, in fact, a multitude of dreams. And these -- the dreams -- writhed in and about, taking hue from the rooms, and causing the wild music of the orchestra to seem as the echo of their steps. And, anon, there strikes the ebony clock which stands in the hall of the velvet. And then, for a moment, all is still, and all is silent save the voice of the clock. The dreams are stiff-frozen as they stand. But the echoes of the chime die away -- they have endured but an instant -- and a light, half-subdued laughter floats after them as they depart. And now again the music swells, and the dreams live, and writhe to and fro more merrily than ever, taking hue from the many-tinted windows through which stream the rays from the tripods. But to the chamber which lies most westwardly of the seven, there are now none of the maskers who venture; for the night is waning away; and there flows a ruddier light through the blood-colored panes; and the blackness of the sable drapery appals; and to him whose foot falls upon the sable carpet, there comes from the near clock of ebony a muffled peal more solemnly emphatic than any which reaches their ears who indulge in the more remote gaieties of the other apartments.

But these other apartments were densely crowded, and in them beat feverishly the heart of life. And the revel went whirlingly on, until at length there commenced the sounding of midnight upon the clock. And then the music ceased, as I have told; and the evolutions of the waltzers were quieted; and there was an uneasy cessation of all things as before. But now there were twelve strokes to be sounded by the bell of the clock; and thus it happened, perhaps, that more of thought crept, with more of time, into the meditations of the thoughtful among those who revelled. And thus, too, it happened, perhaps, that before the last echoes of the last chime had utterly sunk into silence, there were many individuals in the crowd who had found leisure to become aware of the presence of a masked figure which had arrested the attention of no single individual before. And the rumor of this new presence having spread itself whisperingly around, there arose at length from the whole company a buzz, or murmur, expressive of disapprobation and surprise -- then, finally, of terror, of horror, and of disgust.

In an assembly of phantasms such as I have painted, it may well be supposed that no ordinary appearance could have excited such sensation. In truth the masquerade license of the night was nearly unlimited; but the figure in question had out-Heroded Herod, and gone beyond the bounds of even the prince's indefinite decorum. There are chords in the hearts of the most reckless which cannot be touched without emotion. Even with the utterly lost, to whom life and death are equally jests, there are matters of which no jest can be made. The whole company, indeed, seemed now deeply to feel that in the costume and bearing of the stranger neither wit nor propriety existed. The figure was tall and gaunt, and shrouded from head to foot in the habiliments of the grave. The mask which concealed the visage was made so nearly to resemble the countenance of a stiffened corpse that the closest scrutiny must have had difficulty in detecting the cheat. And yet all this might have been endured, if not approved, by the mad revellers around. But the mummer had gone so far as to assume the type of the Red Death.

His vesture was dabbled in blood -- and his broad brow, with all the features of the face, was besprinkled with the scarlet horror.

When the eyes of Prince Prospero fell upon this spectral image (which with a slow and solemn movement, as if more fully to sustain its role, stalked to and fro among the waltzers) he was seen to be convulsed, in the first moment with a strong shudder either of terror or distaste; but, in the next, his brow reddened with rage.

"Who dares?" he demanded hoarsely of the courtiers who stood near him -- "who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? Seize him and unmask him -- that we may know whom we have to hang at sunrise, from the battlements!"

It was in the eastern or blue chamber in which stood the Prince Prospero as he uttered these words. They rang throughout the seven rooms loudly and clearly -- for the prince was a bold and robust man, and the music had become hushed at the waving of his hand.

It was in the blue room where stood the prince, with a group of pale courtiers by his side. At first, as he spoke, there was a slight rushing movement of this group in the direction of the intruder, who at the moment was also near at hand, and now, with deliberate and stately step, made closer approach to the speaker. But from a certain nameless awe with which the mad assumptions of the mummer had inspired the whole party, there were found none who put forth hand to seize him; so that, unimpeded, he passed within a yard of the prince's person; and, while the vast assembly, as if with one impulse, shrank from the centres of the rooms to the walls, he made his way uninterruptedly, but with the same solemn and measured step which had distinguished him from the first, through the blue chamber to the purple -- through the purple to the green -- through the green to the orange -- through this again to the white -- and even thence to the violet, ere a decided movement had been made to arrest him. It was then, however, that the Prince Prospero, maddening with rage and the shame of his own momentary cowardice, rushed hurriedly through the six chambers, while none followed him on account of a deadly terror that had seized upon all. He bore aloft a drawn dagger, and had approached, in rapid impetuosity, to within three or four feet of the retreating figure, when the latter, having attained the extremity of the velvet apartment, turned suddenly and confronted his pursuer. There was a sharp cry -- and the dagger dropped gleaming upon the sable carpet, upon which, instantly afterwards, fell prostrate in death the Prince Prospero. Then, summoning the wild courage of despair, a throng of the revellers at once threw themselves into the black apartment, and, seizing the mummer, whose tall figure stood erect and motionless within the shadow of the ebony clock, gasped in unutterable horror at finding the grave-cerements and corpse-like mask which they handled with so violent a rudeness, untenanted by any tangible form.

And now was acknowledged the presence of the Red Death. He had come like a thief in the night. And one by one dropped the revellers in the blood-bedewed halls of their revel, and died each in the despairing posture of his fall. And the life of the ebony clock went out with that of the last of the gay. And the flames of the tripods expired. And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all.

. . . . .

Arrgghh

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 17:26:49 GMT

. . . . .

I've changed the comments option to allow for registered users only. I'm getting WAYYYYY too many spam comments & I'm sick of having to delete them all the time.

[A lot has been going on lately, so there's no real reason for my lack of posts other than the fact that I'm lazy & I haven't felt like posting.]

. . . . .

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:39:30 GMT

Update: The Art & Artist Network! now has its own blog - Please bookmark it for further reference:
http://slartandartistnetwork.blogspot.com/

Art & Artist Network Group

Welcome to the Art & Artist Network.

The Art & Artist Network group was founded as a way to connect anyone interested in gallery openings, art auctions, gallery walks, emerging artists, live musical performances, machinima festivals, art fundraisers, artist blogs, art publications, meetings, etc., etc... This is THE group to join to stay connected for the Art World in Second Life!

Group Rules

1.) This is a Notice-Only group. DO NOT IM THE GROUP FOR ANY REASON. If you need to make an announcement, send a Group Notice. If you need to ask someone a question, IM them directly, DO NOT IM THE GROUP. If you break this rule, Moderators will remind you once. Repeat offenders will be ejected.

2.) Group Notices MUST be Art-related in some way. This isn't a group for announcing your yard sale. I have a zero-tolerance policy for off-topic notices. If you are unsure if your announcement is appropriate, use some common sense and IM any of the Moderators to ask.

Group Notices

All members of the Art & Artist Network group have the ability to send group notices.

Please be respectful and send NO MORE THAN 2 NOTICES PER INDIVIDUAL EVENT/SUBJECT.

To create a group notice:
1.) Open the Group Info box (an easy way of doing this is to double-click the Art & Artist Network group name in your profile).
2.) Select the 'Notices' tab, which is on top.
3.) Select 'Create New Notice.'
4.) Fill out the box however you want it to read. You can also attach 1 item to the message (a notecard, landmark, snapshot, object, etc.) by dragging it from your inventory to the small grey box below the main message box.
5.) When you're finished, hit 'Send Notice.' Within a few moments, you'll know it went through if the Group Notice dialogue box pops up.
**Note: SL's group notice system seems to be a bit faulty at times, which means that not all messages may go out on the first attempt. Please wait at least an hour before attempting to send the notice again.

Did you know?
You can opt-out of receiving Group Notices if you don't want to receive them. Open the Group Info box and look in the lower-right corner. You will see a check box that says "Receive Group Notices." Just uncheck the box. Some notices may slip through (I'm not sure if this is an SL bug), but you will no longer receive most notices.

[Note: If you have an email auto-response when you're not logged in, PLEASE disable the Group Notice. Group notices trigger your auto-response to IM the sender, which is rather annoying.]

Group Links

Web Forum:
http://slartistnetwork.proboards51.com/

Flickr group:
http://flickr.com/groups/sl_art_and_artist_network/

Thanks for reading!
-- Nebulosus Severine
Art & Artist Network founder

Nominate me!!

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 23:34:30 GMT

. . . . .

2007 Best of SL Art
http://art.krystalepic.com/index.php?q=node/23

[Lots of updates to come, my faithful readers; I've got a shit-ton to write about, I just haven't had the goddamn motivation.]

. . . . .

Killin' time.

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 23:35:17 GMT

. . . . .

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
All of them, since I'm always struggling to pay 'em.

2. Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
I wouldn't know. :P

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
I haven't ever, thank christ. *knock on wood*

4. Have you ever gotten drunk and danced on a bar?
Nope. I don't really drink much.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Stier -- she looked like, and had the personality of, the Wicked Witch of the West.

6. What are you doing right now?
Listening to chakra meditation music and IMing some people.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
An artist.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
One, just a year at a local community college.

9. Why did you get the shirt that you have on right now?
Because it's black.

10. Gas prices?
Fucking outrageous. About $3/gallon where I live.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would you go.
As long as L and the cats are with me, I'd be happy. Wouldn't mind checking out California or England someday.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
"Oh fuck."

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I can't remember.

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Comfortable.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite/same sex?
I don't care.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Washing dishes and cleaning the toilet. I pretty much hate ALL chores.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer.
Not to do what I do now! Christ.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep IN.

19. Breakfast this morning?
It was more like a late lunch, since it was at 2 p.m.

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Talk and laugh all night.

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing.
Isn't that a bit contradictory?

22. When did you first start feeling old?
The day I was born.

23. Favorite 80's movie?
I have several -- Better Off Dead, The 'Burbs, Pee-wee's Big Adventure, many more.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Turkey, ham, or roast beef.

25. What do you get every time you go into Costco/Sam's Club?
I don't.

26. Beach or Lake?
Beach.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Yes.

28. Who do you stalk on MySpace?
Myspace sucks.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
None of my pleasures are guilty.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?

31. What's your drink?
Various fruit-flavored water beverages & iced green tea.

32. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Nobody.

33. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
I never listen to the radio because it's fucking crap.

34. What's a rumour spread about you?
Probably that I'm evil. I don't know, and I don't really give a crap either.

35. Futurama or the Simpsons?
Both.

36. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
All of them. Because it has never once been worth it.

37. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
Fortunately, I don't have to sit at a desk.

38. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I plead the fifth.

39. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Tony Bourdain, because he'd know where to get really amazing food.

41. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended use?
No.

42. Ever felt like running over a pedestrian?
Yes, many times.

. . . . .

OMG GREIFERS!!

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 04:19:10 GMT

. . . . .

Seen on the SL forums (I swear to christ, it hurt my head to read this):

--------------------------------------------------

Subject: Greifers Need To Die In A Hole!

I AM NOT LOGGIN INTO SL SO SEE AN EPELEPTC MEGA PRIM OR TO SEE A BUNCE OF BOUNCE PARTICLES OF AN ANUS!, sorry btu i need to get this out, greifers are wasting their time on us, they say we are losers the instand we make an SL account, HA!, they are hacking, and thats a fenderal offense!

[To which "someone" replied:]

Your grammar ought to be considered a "fenderal" offense. Jesus christ.

--------------------------------------------------

*wink, wink*!

. . . . .

Donut Ham Hamburger!! XD

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 05:40:47 GMT

. . . . .

Jim Gaffigan is fucking hilarious... watched some of his stand-up comedy on Comedy Central earlier tonight, and I can't fucking stop LAUGHING at this one bit:

"And we’re never satisfied when it comes to food. You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich! Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts! That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle - here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!”

XD!!!

Someone made a YTMND about it:

http://donuthamhamburger.ytmnd.com/

XD!!!!

. . . . .

Colors

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 15:54:54 GMT

. . . . .

Bit of time-killing fun taken from a friend's blog:

Colors meme

RED
1. Closest red thing to you?
A red Fire King glass mug (that I salvaged from the old cottage in Maine before my extended family sold it).
2. Has anyone ever cheated on you in a relationship? Yes.
3. Last thing to make you mad? The world; or, to be more precise, the state of it.
4. Are you a fan of romance? Not anymore.
5. Have you ever been in love? Plenty of times.
6. Do you have a temper? Oh, yesssssssss. Of course I do, I've got Irish blood in me.

ORANGE
1. Closest orange thing to you? The plastic cap of an Odwalla juice bottle.
2. Do you like to burn things? Sometimes, yeah.
3. Do you dress up for Halloween? I try to every year -- I love Halloween, although the past few years have been rather disappointing.
4. Are you usually a warm-hearted person? I'd say about half the time I am.
5. Do you prefer the single life or the security of a relationship? I seem to have had no choice in the matter for most of my life, so I've gotten used to being solitary. I don't think I'd even know how to cope with being in a relationship, to be honest.
6. What would your superpower be? Flight, shapeshifting, invisibility, psionics.

YELLOW
1. Closest yellow thing to you? An envelope.
2. The happiest time[s] of your life? When I'm "in the zone" working on an art project, laughing with friends, or learning/seeking knowledge about whatever topic I am obsessed with at the time.
3. Favorite holiday? Halloween, definitely.
4. Are you a coward? In a lot of ways, yes I am. I hate to admit it, but I am. Actually, I hate to be that way more so.
5. Do you burn or tan? Burn, burn, burn.
6. Do you want children? GOD no. *shudder*
7. What makes you feel warm and safe? Being with L, mostly. Working on art, when I'm focused and productive. Curling up in bed with a book.

GREEN
1. Closest green thing to you? The cover of the book Mind Performance Hacks.
2. Do you care about the environment? Of course. Sometimes I worry too much about it.
3. Are you jealous of anyone right now? I shouldn't be, but yeah.
4. Are you a lucky person? I don't consider myself to be, no.
5. Do you always want what you can’t have? Trying to give up on that.
6. Think of six green things that make you happy: Trees, the ocean (when it gets that bottle-green hue) the Aurora Borealis, green tea lattes from Starbucks, our cat Chewy's eyes, wasabi.
7. Are you Irish? Not 100%, but a decent part of my heritage is. I definitely look it, that's for sure.

BLUE
1. Closest blue thing to you? A blue CD wallet.
2. Are you good at calming people down? Usually.
3. Do you like the sea? God, yes, I love it. It scares the hell out of me, but I am fascinated by it and drawn to it; it seems to have a life and will of its own.
4. What was the last thing that made you cry? My usual existential crisis.
5. Are you a logical thinker? I try to be, although it is impossible for me to completely disregard emotional factors.
6. Can you sleep easily? Not usually anymore -- unless it's a time I'm not supposed to be sleeping, like when I'm at work. :P
7. Do you prefer the beach or the woods? Both, depending on my mood. I love the sea, but I also love trees.

PURPLE
1. Closest purple thing to you? A pair of argyle armwarmers that were formerly knee-high socks.
2. Like being treated to expensive things? Sometimes -- but I am not one to be impressed with or attracted to things MERELY because they are expensive. Status symbols annoy the everloving shit out of me.
3. Do you like mysterious things? Almost always.
4. Ever met anyone in royalty? Nope.
5. Are you creative? Absolutely. Not as much as I'd like to be, but yes.
6. Are you a lonely person? Not usually, as I am a very solitary person, but sometimes loneliness crushes me.

PINK
1. Closest pink thing to you? A pink plush frog. I may be evil, but I happen to like cute things.
2. Do you like sweet things? When I'm in the mood for it, yes.
3. Like play-fighting? No.
4. Are you sensitive? In every sense of the word; not only emotionally, but mentally, physically.
5. Do you like punk music? Some of it I love (older stuff), some I absolutely despise (pop-punk, which I think is a complete contradiction in terms).
6. What is your favorite flower? All of them.
7. Does anyone have a crush on you? Haha... that's ludicrous.

BLACK
1. Closest black thing to you? My clothes.
2. Do you like morbid things? Very much so.
3. Do you like being underground? Sometimes.
4. Are you afraid of death? Not so much of my own...but I do fear pain. And I am afraid (terrified) of losing loved ones.
5. Do you prefer neutral or vibrant colors? Generally I prefer bold, grab-you-by-the-throat colors, but I like any color in the right context.
7. What’s your favorite text ever? Jesus, that's a tough question. Currently, it's Moby-Dick by Herman Melville. Several other works that have had huge emotional impact on me over the years: Weetzie Bat by Francesca Lia Block; A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving; the poetry & prose of Jim Morrison, Charles Bukowski and Danielle Willis...

. . . . .

"How Propaganda Works"

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 15:25:26 GMT

. . . . .

-- From an article found at http://home.att.net/~bob.wallace/howpropagandaworks.html

If you consider yourself a sentient being, I urge you to read this and spread its message. PLEASE evolve your mind a bit and learn to think for yourself.

How Propaganda Works
by Bob Wallace

"Once you base your whole life striving on a desperate lie,
and try to implement that lie,
you instrument your own undoing."

- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death.

It's not hard to understand how propaganda works. You don't need a college degree, or to even to read any of those thick textbooks everybody hates. Everything relevant can be explained in one not-particularly-long article. And, I guarantee you, you must understand how propaganda targets you, to immunize yourself against the attempts.

Propaganda works by appealing to our most base, animalistic instincts. It does not appeal to our better nature, although one of the purposes of it is to convince us it does. It pretends to appeal to our reason, when in fact it appeals to our most primitive emotions. There is good reason for this: perception travels through the emotional brain first, to the rational brain last.

Specifically, propaganda works by appealing to three things: emotionalism, tribalism and narcissism.

I just mentioned perception travels first to the emotional brain, then the rational brain. This happens to everyone, including people who con themselves they are the most rational and intelligent of intellectuals.

As for tribes, we share with every nearly every animal in the world the instinct to form tribes, arranged in a hierachy, with a leader. We are group animals. The fact we look to a leader to take care of us is one of the most firmly established principles in psychology (if you don't remember anything else, remember that).

When anyone transgresses the taboos of a tribe, they can, and often are, ostracised or even expelled. An example? Say some people oppose a war. What happens? They are often called cowards and told to leave the country. Who hasn't heard the insult, "You're a coward! If you don't like it here, get out!" People who say such things think they're being patriotic; in reality they're acting like animals. Emotional, irrational, herd animals, prone to the fear and flight activated by propaganda. Individuals think; groups do not, and cannot.

Narcissism is our inborn tendency to see everything as grandiose or devalued, good or bad, with nothing in-between. It's why nearly every tribe in the world -- and nations are just tribes writ large -- called itself "the People," "the Humans," "the Chosen," "the Motherland," "the Fatherland," or "the greatest nation on earth," relegating everyone outside the tribe to a devalued non-people, non-human status (aka "collaterial damage"). No wonder it's so easy to kill the outsiders -- they're just not quite human.

When you combine those three concepts, you have the basis for all propaganda. If a leader of a tribe tells the people their goodness is under attack by insane, evil people who want to destroy them, they will react just like animals and attack. The Nazi propagandist Herman Goering noticed all you had to do to get people to march off to war is for the leaders to tell them they were under attack, denounce protestors as traitors exposing the tribe to danger, and the people would slander, ostracize and expell the protestors, and then tramp straight off to be slaughtered. He said this technique worked in every country of the world.

The Bush administration used exactly this technique to start two wars. Essentially they told the public that our goodness was under attack by insane and evil people who wanted to destroy us. See how it works? Tribalism, emotionalism, and narcissism.

Supporter of the war responded by attacking protestors as traitors -- trying to expell them from the tribe -- and marching off to war. It's altogether too simple, and too easy.

One man everyone should know is Edward L. Bernays, the American disciple and nephew of Sigmund Freud. He was for all practical purposes the founder of modern propaganda techniques.

Bernays despised most people and regarded them as his inferiors, especially because of intellectual or social claims. (See how it works? I just appealed to your emotions, and convinced you Bernays was attacking you. You fell for it, right?)

Bernays not only pretty much founded modern propaganda techniques, but was also the father of modern PR. Although, you could say they are same thing, and that there's really no difference between them.

In his 1928 book, Propaganda, Bernays wrote, "The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country…"

Remember that quote. Burn it into your memory. Bernays thought people should be ruled by an extremely small elite, who should manipulate them through propaganda. That means you. People who believe in the wonders of government, and that it is their friend, should think twice about it.

In another book, In Crystallizing Public Opinion, Bernays wrote how governments and advertisers can "regiment the mind like the military regiments the body." This can be imposed, he said, because of "the natural inherent flexibility of individual human nature," and suggested the "average citizen is the world's most efficient censor. His own mind is the greatest barrier between him and the facts. His own 'logic-proof compartments,' his own absolutism are the obstacles which prevent him from seeing in terms of experience and thought rather than in terms of group reaction."

Bernays also thought "physical loneliness is a real terror to the gregarious animal, and that association with the herd causes a feeling of security. In man this fear of loneliness creates a desire for identification with the herd in matters of opinion."

Bernays claimed that "the group mind does not think in the strict sense of the word…In making up its mind, its first impulse is usually to follow the example of a trusted leader. This is one of the most firmly established principles in mass psychology." What Bernays called the "regimentation of the mind" is accomplished by taking advantage of the human tendency to self-deception [logic-proof compartments], gregariousness [the herd instinct], individualism [exalting their vanity] and the seductive power of a strong leader.

Bernays also expressed the opinion people "have to take sides...[they] must step out of the audience onto the stage and wrestle as the hero for the victory of good over evil." This also means appealing to our narcissism, our inborn tendency to see everything as either good or bad, with little or nothing in-between.

He also noted the need for people to feel as if they belong to something larger than themselves. Again, this also means appealing to our narcissism, such as people claiming they belong to "the greatest nation on earth."

When people consider themselves as part of the Humans (by whatever name they call themselves), they exalt themselves. Still again, those outside the tribe are non-people, "collateral damage."

"Mental habits create stereotypes just as physical habits create certain definite reflex actionism," Bernays wrote. "...these stereotypes or clichés are not necessarily truthful pictures of what they are supposed to portray." Perception is everything, the truth matters little or not at all.

Now, let's boil all this down and see what we have:

Mass Man, the herd, cannot think, and is instead ruled by its feelings. The herd will look to a leader to save it. The best way to accomplish this is for the herd to feel it is under attack. The herd will draw together, expell those who see the truth and protest, and then march off to war.

The full quote from Hermann Goering? "Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."

Tell the herd they are the Humans, or the People, or best of all, have God on their side. Paint their enemies as insane and evil. Again, this is appealing to people's narcissism, the tendency to see everything as either good (us) or evil (them). Evoke paranoia and hysteria in them by convincing them the insane evil ones want to conquer and destroy them. What will happen? You can get them to march off to war by the millions, just as Goering noticed. The truth doesn't matter, only the manipulation of perception.

To make it as simple as possible, everything that is needed for a successful propaganda campaign can be summed up in those three aforementioned words: emotionalism, tribalism and narcissism.

We con ourselves we are so advanced. In reality, the human race is stuck in One Million Years BC, except there's no Raquel Welch in a two-piece fur bikini.

I forgot -- there is one another component to sucessful propaganda: keep repeating the message over and over.

. . . . .

The Stanford Prison Experiment

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 18:23:24 GMT

. . . . .

Anyone who is even remotely interested in human psychology and/or human rights absolutely NEEDS to read through this website:

The Stanford Prison Experiment:
A Simulation Study of the Psychology of Imprisonment Conducted at Stanford University

A quick summary: What happens when you take a group of ordinary people, divide the group in half, and assign half of them as Guards and the other half as Prisoners?

It's amazing and shocking what happened over the course of a mere SIX DAYS when this experiment was conducted in 1971. It's really, really disturbing how easily the human mind can be manipulated. (Yet another reason why I typically despise the human race.)

I had read about this experiment before, but this website goes much more into detail. Frightening stuff.

. . . . .

Am I a completely heartless bastard?

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 00:48:37 GMT

. . . . .

Family drama... I fucking hate it.

Quick backstory: I'm not very close with my father's side of the family. My parents were divorced when I was a baby, yet my mom & dad remained civil to each other; and I visited my father & grandmother regularly when I growing up. In my early adult life I lived with them for a number of years as well.

However -- I do not feel emotionally close to my father, my grandmother, or my uncle (his brother). Their way of communicating and dealing with each other is COMPLETELY different to how I was raised while growing up & living with my mom, stepdad, and brothers.

Mom's side: Emotionally open, confrontational, sometimes volatile but ultimately resulting in strong bonds, mutual trust, respect, and love. They drive me crazy sometimes but I deeply love them all and have fun hanging out with them.

Dad's side: Passive aggressive, non-confrontational, emotionally shallow. (example: Whenever Family Member #1 was upset with Family Member #2, #1 would complain to Family Member #3 instead of confronting #2... #3 would then confront #2 on #1's behalf, etc.) For me, almost complete alienation. I feel awkward visiting them most of the time and am passive-aggressively made to feel guilty almost every time I deal with any of them.

With all that out of the way, here's the situation.

My grandmother had been living with my father, who has been taking care of her. She's pretty much okay for the most part but is getting on in years, is a bit feeble & can't live alone. They kind of have a co-dependent relationship; he's somewhat of a momma's boy. She wakes him up to go to work and cooks for him, or at least she used to.

A couple of weeks ago, she was admitted to the hospital for various health problems and is now in a nursing home, possibly long-term but not definitely.

Sooooooo.... I got a call from my uncle (her other son) a couple of days ago, he told me that she had called him and asked him to call me to request that I call her (--- Jesus fucking christ....).

I called her and she asked me to do her a "favor" -- cringing, I asked what the favor was.

She asked me if I would cook meals for my father, several times a week, and bring them to him. And another thing, I would have to call him to find out his schedule, since he works third shift and odd days, to find out when he'd be around.

My father is NOT disabled, or incapable of feeding himself in ANY WAY. My grandmother is concerned, however, that he'll only be eating frozen dinners, etc. She suggested I make him things like lasagna, whole roast chickens, etc.. stuff that he could eat & have leftovers for a couple of days.

I was completely unprepared for this when she asked me.

And to be honest, I was, and AM, pretty pissed off about it. What she asked is a HUGE imposition, considering:

1.) I RARELY COOK FOR MYSELF, LET ALONE ANYBODY ELSE.
2.) I have my OWN life -- I work, I have shit to do around the house, I have my OWN business to attend to. No offense toward my father, but I don't have the time to rearrange my schedule around HIS.
3.) If he needs or wants my help, even if it's just to have some company to visit, THEN LET HIM ASK ME HIMSELF.

Now, I don't really mind bringing him some leftovers of a meal I've made -- sometimes I DO make a big pot of something-or-other which I can't possibly finish, and in that case I don't mind sharing it. But to make him full meals SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK -- to go OUT OF MY WAY to shop, prepare, and then take time out of my schedule to go out-of-town to bring him food is a bit excessive. I mostly live on sandwiches and frozen dinners myself!

I don't even go food-shopping for MY OWN NEEDS some weeks! I am single, child-free, and LAZY and I LIKE it that way.

I'm guessing that part of the reason she asked me to do this is to take the place of her "mothering" him, since she won't be around. I am his DAUGHTER for christ's sake, I'm NOT going to fulfill the role of mother or wife. I CHOSE to not have a spouse or children for that very reason -- because I don't WANT that kind of responsibility or obligation.

Another thing that grates me about the whole situation: If I had been a son, instead of a daughter, my grandmother would NOT have asked me to do this -- because it's "women's work." Well, I flat-out REFUSE to do "women's work."

As angry as I am about this, I also feel incredibly guilty. Why the hell should I sacrifice so much of my free time to serve my father, thereby kissing the ass of my grandmother, when my relationships with them are completely DEVOID of any real emotional attachment? Yet I feel awful for feeling angry about it.

Does this make me a complete asshole?

I don't really know how the hell I am going to handle all of this. If I don't do it, I'll get guilt-tripped until I fucking scream. All I REALLY want to do is ignore ALL of them. None of them call ME unless they want me to fulfill family-event obligations -- birthdays, Mother's Day/Father's Day, etc. --actually, come to think of it, they almost never call me even THEN. I am expected to contact them for those, and woe be to me if I FORGET.

I have actually considered moving across the country just to get the fuck away from them. :\

. . . . .

the same could be said for artists.

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 04:23:34 GMT

. . . . .

So You Want To Be A Writer

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.
-- Charles Bukowski

Bukowski, as always -- a fucking genius.

. . . . .

Limited access

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 23:20:33 GMT

. . . . .

To anyone who reads this:

My computer is pretty much shot but it'll be awhile til I can replace it, since I am broke. My internet access is going to be very limited until further notice. You can contact me by leaving a comment at this blog, I'll get notification thru my email. I will try to check it regularly.

Wish me luck. :\

. . . . .

Stumbled upon.

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 04:26:42 GMT

. . . . .

It Takes Courage
Author Unknown

It takes strength to be firm,
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

Hit and run

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 01:10:15 GMT

. . . . .

Fucking weekend from HELL --

Went out to my car about an hour ago to discover that someone had HIT it and taken off. It happened yesterday but I didn't realize it until today because it's not that noticeable from the house.

Yesterday afternoon I was in my room when I heard a pretty loud "BANG" outside. I looked out the window because it sounded like an accident & was worried about my car (which I park on the side of the road), but from my vantage point I didn't notice any damage to my car; the left signal light is already cracked, but it didn't look like anything else had happened to it. There was a larger, navy and white SUV, & a gold SUV sitting in the road next to my car, though, so I thought that was a little odd. I thought perhaps maybe they had hit each other. I could see the driver of the navy & white SUV, and he was craning his neck to look all around everywhere. He sat there for a few minutes and eventually someone jumped into the passenger side and they drove off. I didn't think anything much of it until today.

I've got the weekend off; I stayed in yesterday & most of today, so I didn't notice the damage until this evening. On closer inspection, I saw that someone HAD hit my car, in the same spot it had been hit when it had belonged to its previous owner -- right on the same cracked tail-light. But this time the damage was much worse: the front left corner is now dented and cracked much more than it was before. Shards of the fender were laying in the street.

I knew immediately that the BANG I heard yesterday was the guy in the navy & white SUV hitting my car.

I called the cops, filed a report, and took pictures of the damage. The cop talked to the neighbors, but of course nobody had any information to offer. And I never caught the guy's license plate number, so there's not much the cops can do at this point. I'll have to get the plate number in order for them to pursue it. The neighbor's house has a lot of people living in it, and a few of them were sort of hanging around outside, on the porch and whatnot, while the cop was there. I never usually see these people outside ever, unless it's one of their cars coming and going (which is something that happens CONSTANTLY, around the clock). One of the girls was on the phone, kind of eyeing the scene cautiously. So I wouldn't be surprised if she got on the horn to warn whoever did it. Because I KNOW one of those bastards know the guy. I've seen his SUV parked on our street enough times to recognize it.

Oh well... hopefully he'll be back and I can grab his license plate number. But I am not very optimistic about that.

Why ME, for fuck's sake?? They all have pretty nice, newer cars/vehicles. I drive a $200-piece of shit Buick. Why can't people just leave our shit alone?? I can't wait to move out of this fucking hellhole neighborhood.

. . . . .

Art wars

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 19:50:09 GMT

. . . . .

Quite awhile back, I founded The Art & Artist Network group in Second Life as a way for artists/gallery owners/etc. to communicate, and to ultimately assist in the growth of the SL art world. Somehow, the group has grown to about 1300 members. I don't know how it got to be so successful but I'm glad it has. I'm happy to encourage the Art world of SL.

The only rule I really have to enforce is that members do not send IMs to the group. There is a Group Notice function available to all members that I encourage them to use rather than the Group IM. Too many group IMs are considered "Spam," and I get a lot of complaints about it, not to mention that I find it annoying as well.

I have tried to make this policy abundantly clear, but sometimes the message just doesn't seem to go through. As a last resort, I have had to eject people a few times. I don't ever want to have to do that, but sometimes I feel I have no choice.

Recently, I was harshly criticized for this practice.

[note: I have omitted the names of the people involved.]

A few days ago, I ejected a member (whom I will refer to as Member #1) for her IM auto-response that would send an IM every time she was not logged in and a Group Notice was sent. I IMed her personally with an explanation:

with all due respect -- your email auto-response has been spamming the Art & Artist Network group whenever a group notice is sent & you are offline. with the number of notices that go out daily... i just can't have your offline message spamming the group IM constantly. i apologize if this is harsh.

The only response I got was her IM auto-response. *sigh.*

A few days later, another group member (Member #2) lodged a personal attack against me through Group Notice for ejecting Member #1:

I was just Informed Nebulosus Severine ejected Member #1 from this group for "Spamming" due to Auto Replys from her Email to the "Illegal" Group IM's. This heavy handed self important snobness is very old, as is reading the rude replies issued in this group. After a read of Nebulosus's picks I see she pretty much does not like people or helping others. I will save her the effort of ejecting me I will remove myself as the values of this group are not honorable nor is the treatment.

The same person also IMed me personally:
Nebulosus, I was just informed you ejected Member #1 from the Art & Artist Network for "spamming" is this factual?

When I logged in, I responded -- I have to admit, I was pretty pissed off but I wanted to keep it professional:
-------------------------------------------------------
Nebulosus Severine: i would like to have a word with you, personally, when you've got the time.
Nebulosus Severine: in a group of over 1200 people, i cannot have an "anything goes" policy. my rule of 'No Group Ims' is simple, NOR is it unreasonable. as i am the leader of the group, i must respond to complaints from members who are aggravated by the overuse of group IM. i have tried many times to convey this message yet it seems to fall on deaf ears to some.
Nebulosus Severine: the ejection of Member #1 was not done out of "snobbishness" as you seem to think.
Nebulosus Severine: and as far as me not wanting to "help" people.. why would I have founded such a group in the first place? i find your personal accusations to be rather unprofessional, especially for the fact that you attempted to chastise me in front of the entire group. that was very uncalled for.
Nebulosus Severine: picking apart my profile was also rather callous and childish.
Nebulosus Severine: personally, i find your temper tantrum to be self-important and snobbish.
Nebulosus Severine: i'm sorry you feel that i have singled out Member #1, if that is the case, but i am not going to risk that members leave because other members can't follow a simple rule.

Member #2: you just booted one of the biggest art supporters in sl excellent job. It's your group do as you wish. I have done as i wished. As for childish charecter stuff please read your proile it is not what you would call warm and inviting. but the good news is you no longer are burdened with the arguous task of managing 1,200 members now you only have to worry about 1,198.

Nebulosus Severine: if she would disable the auto-response that IMs the group every time a notice is sent, i would be sure to welcome her back. as i have stated -- this isn't personal.
Nebulosus Severine: but you are quickly making it personal with my opinion of you.
Nebulosus Severine: for the record -- it's "arduous"

Member #2: you win on spelling, I win on wit and fact

Nebulosus Severine: hardly.
Nebulosus Severine: you are talking from your emotions, you have taken this personally when it was never about you.

Member #2: you are aware behind each avi is a person right?

Nebulosus Severine: and you DO realize that works both ways, i assume?
Nebulosus Severine: i will be the first to apologize to Member #1 and welcome her back, as i have stated several times, this was not done out of malice. i IMed her before i ejected her and apologized in advance. i was not rude or cruel to her in any way.
Nebulosus Severine: i don't want there to be any hard feelings about this. despite how you may judge me, due to your analyzation of my profile, i am a pretty fair, understanding, compassionate, and empathetic person.
Nebulosus Severine: is Member #1 your friend?

Member #2: sorry I crashed twice, but yes Member #1 is a friend of mine whom I have worked with in bring a place for art in sl
Member #2: you see neither one of us are artists

Nebulosus Severine: i knew of Member #1, a little, i used to have a spot at the ******** sim.

Member #2: my support of art in sl comes in the form of an entire sim for the purpose of displaying art free to artists, has been so for over a year now

Nebulosus Severine: yes i know, i am grateful that there are people like you in sl.

Member #2: little place called **********

Nebulosus Severine: oh, i have heard of it, of course... lol.
Nebulosus Severine: that's why i founded the group, you know, to bring artists together.

Member #2: I am running into a problem lately, artist refuse to show there works at ********** because I wont let them sell. The whole Museum Vs. Gallery thing and I have recieved a bit of hostility about the fact that I dont allow sales in **********.

Nebulosus Severine: that's a shame. :( but some artists are only in it for the money i suppose

Member #2: the 10L to upload Vs the 10,000L price tag still amazes me

Nebulosus Severine: me too!
Nebulosus Severine: i just don't get it

Member #2: nor do I

Nebulosus Severine: i think you ought to stick to your principles

Member #2: mean while I have actualy seen these people tell ***** he charges too much at *****L for his *****
Nebulosus Severine: i respect art more for art's sake, than for making a profit
Nebulosus Severine: wow
Nebulosus Severine: at least he took more time to manipulate prims, than to simply upload a texture, lol...

Member #2: my point
Member #2: the other part you may not be awar of is the first day we had the meeting of the gallery owners at NMC

Nebulosus Severine: the one so long ago?

Member #2: yes

Nebulosus Severine: we haven't had an art gallery owner's meeting in forever
Nebulosus Severine: but maybe sasun is feeling overwhelmed with the number of members now

Member #2: I said that day I would use the ********* group to advertise of art events

Nebulosus Severine: that, i don't remember

Member #2: I replayed the chat to our gallery owner group friend
Member #2: and she said "OOps
Member #2: but you formed this group
Member #2: the ********* is till alive
Member #2: doing art walks
Member #2: and a active group

Nebulosus Severine: yes, with nearly 700 members i see, nice :)

Member #2: so to answer those critics I do have my own group
Member #2: but have yet silently always supported yours till now

Nebulosus Severine: well, i truly am sorry for the misunderstanding and for the hurt feelings
Nebulosus Severine: i have seen notices for ********** going out a lot and i'm glad you support the arts
Nebulosus Severine: i think it is a shame you decided to leave art & artist network and you are welcome to be a part of it at any time, but if you decline i understand.

Member #2: there is a big difference between your run fo the mill noobs in a group Vs. Member #1, I think a quick look at a profle and a litttle knowlege of her work in the art world rates her a break before a boot

Nebulosus Severine: in her auto-response, it mentioned something about her being away until sept. -- when she gets back, i would love to resolve it with her. i don't want to kick people out of the group.
[Note: I remembered this incorrectly -- I went back to look on my IM logs & it didn't mention anything about being away until September --whoops.]
Nebulosus Severine: i am aware that she is a big supporter of the arts.
Nebulosus Severine: i have to log soon but i want to say again that i don't mean there to be any hard feelings.

Member #2: *nods* ty for your time

Nebulosus Severine: thank you for yours. please consider joining art & artist network again, ********** is a huge asset to the sl art world.
Nebulosus Severine: i am sure you will talk to Member #1 before i do, so please let her know that i meant no disrespect to her. i would welcome a talk with her too, when she returns.
End of chat log
-------------------------------------------------------

Additional insight on my part: It has occurred to me that the auto-IM response from Member #1 may have gone to the Group Notice sender only, and NOT to the group, although I am not sure. In any case, I feel that her use of the auto-IM response in a group so large is rather inconsiderate -- especially when members have the option to choose whether or not they want to receive Group Notices.

. . . . .

Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man, I salute you!

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 04:21:49 GMT

. . . . .

I'm in a pretty damn mopey mood tonight, but this made me laugh a bit. I actually sold one of my Bunnyken avatars in Second Life so I IMed the guy who bought it (because I don't think I've actually sold any before tonight, haha):

Nebulosus Severine: whoa! i didn't think anyone would buy one of those
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: I finally found it!
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: I remember seeing it before. And now I have it!
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: Thank you.
Nebulosus Severine: awesome! haha, you're welcome. where did you see it before?
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: I was searching for guts one night and saw it, at your store I guess.
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: You must have played the Sims 2?
Nebulosus Severine: nope, never have... why?
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: The bunny that appears when your little sims get lonely is strikingly similar.
KaiLastOfTheBrunnenG Macdonald: No beak tho...
KaiLastOfTheBrunnenG Macdonald: lol
Nebulosus Severine: hahaha
Nebulosus Severine: ever since i saw a picture of the real bunnyken, i have been mildly obsessed with it
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: The other person in the room irl just said: "What is that, a chicken?"
Nebulosus Severine: it was something i came across with on ebay -- god, i wish i had bid on it!! at least i saved the pics tho, lol
Nebulosus Severine: hahaha.. awesome
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: Thank you for lighting up a dull evening.
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: Is there a group Bunnyken lovers?
Nebulosus Severine: hmm, not yet!
Nebulosus Severine: glad i could give you a laugh tho, haha
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: Yes, it is great! I can't wait to drag this out some time.
Nebulosus Severine: hehe
Nebulosus Severine: be sure you have a look at the face of the body shape too, if you take off the mask -- it's extra special.
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: oooh
Nebulosus Severine: haha
Nebulosus Severine: it's just sort of deformed looking
Nebulosus Severine: for extra ha-has
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: It's all becoming clear now.
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: I think I will be taking some snapshots with reflections on for slpics.com.
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man cackles
Nebulosus Severine: awesome!
Nebulosus Severine: XD
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: But that will be at another time. I will send you the url when I do it.
Nebulosus Severine: hehe, sounds good to me. i'd love to see more bunnykens in the wild.
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: GReat. I must go now to dream of beaks n freaks
Mr. Bunnyken Appreciator Man: gnite
Nebulosus Severine: rofl
Nebulosus Severine: nighty blinkums

"Beaks and freaks..." Comedy GOLD!

. . . . .

Life is pain.

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 04:12:06 GMT

. . . . .

As if I weren't going through enough emotional turmoil...

My uncle called me at work today to tell me that my grandmother is in the hospital again.

To make a long story short, it's her congestive heart failure acting up again, and arthritis in her hip (which is now pretty much completely shot). They're monitoring her but it seems that she'll be heading for a rest home or whatever pretty soon.

I talked to her today on the phone, and tomorrow I'll pay her a visit.

I'm not very close with her, but I am really, really not good at dealing with the whole facing-mortality thing. My uncle tried to pressure me into visiting her tonight, but I would have had to go to the hospital by myself and I just can't handle that.

So I gave her a call instead. She sounded okay but I really don't think she'll live very much longer.

When she passes on... I will be relieved for her. I will miss her a little... but she's not living a very happy or good life, these past few years. She has outlived all her siblings, her husband, and most of her friends. I can't imagine what it must be like to endure those kinds of losses... and I don't ever want to. I can't bear it. I'm emotionally fucked up enough.

Anyway -- I don't really know what to do with myself, because the older I get, the less I can handle emotional trauma like this. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and fucking cry. I want someone to comfort me and tell me that it will be alright, and for me to actually believe it. Sometimes I really envy people who are religious, because they have beliefs that comfort them. I don't have that anymore. I had it when I was a kid, and now it's gone, never to return. Someone must have slipped me an apple from the Tree of Knowledge, because I've been cast out of that garden forever.

. . . . .

Tarot.

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 05:19:36 GMT

. . . . .

From http://spiritualguidancetarot.com/chooseacard.html
-------------------------------------------------------

Position 1: This is the background of your reading, tells you what the main focus is, what area is of most concern presently.

Two of Pentacles (Coins)
1st Position:
Focuses on waiting, anxiety over outcomes, feeling that your efforts are in vain, discouragement , trying to find stability. Difficulty balancing certain areas of your life at this time.

Position 2: This card tells what your motivations are, why you are compelled to do certain things,etc.. it is your drive.

Queen of Swords
2nd Position:
You want to be at peace with yourself and to keep up the initiative in a new endeavor, cutting away anything that may stand in your way.

Position 3: This is the card that indicates problems & fears that you need to address and clear away. This can be subconscious blocks to your progress.

King of Swords
3rd Position:
You have lost faith in yourself or your sense of purpose. There may be feelings of unexpressed resentment towards yourself and the Universe/God. you are bothered by uncertainty and feel a need to know answers in advance to avoid failure. The mind has become overactive and you have a tendency to react (possibly overreact) rather than plan actions carefully.

Position 4: This card tells you what you need to focus on that you are not aware of or that you are not perceiving fully at this time. It's purpose is to help you gain some perspective and is often a surprise.

Temperance
4th Position:
Reforming old habits, changing your beliefs, learning to take a more proactive approach to your life. What we believe we create, and what we focus on tends to be drawn to us. If we focus on feelings of "I Can't" or "I don't have enough" we draw limitation and lack to us. Learn to counter negatives with positives, learn to respect and enjoy all things in moderation. Too much of anything can have reverse effects. Balance and counterbalance are the lessons of this card.

Position 5: This card is an action plan that focuses on the best way to proceed from here, how to use the advice given in the previous positions to your benefit.

Eight of Swords
5th Position:
Time to remove the blindfold and see the situation full circle rather than just the straight and narrow. The power to change situations lies within. In this card the woman is bound and blindfolded, surrounded by danger - but her legs are free.

. . . . .

Insomnia

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 09:33:24 GMT

. . . . .

I feel crappy and exhausted but I can't sleep.

Why the fuck can't I just go to sleep?

. . . . .

One day left

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 06:17:22 GMT

. . . . .

I've only got one day left before I have to go back to work -- I had the past 2 weeks off.

And what did I do with my time off?

Pretty much nothing. Nothing special at all. I wanted to... but my motivation for even that has vanished.

The older I get... the more I am slowly giving up, on everything.

I'm starting to realize that probably the best (or at least, the most exciting/interesting) time of my life is over. Nothing much to look forward to anymore but the grave.

Seems like NOTHING is interesting anymore. Music, movies, art -- NOTHING really blows me away or amazes me like it used to. Is it just ME? Or is it just that everything truly IS more fucking BORING?

Also, the creative fire that started burning in me when I started making stuff in SL is dying out. Another dead end. What the fuck do you do with yourself when you start realizing that the dream you once had is flickering out? Where do I go from here?

It's not that I don't have the talent for it. I just have NO AMBITION. NO MOTIVATION. I wish I could buy it at a store, because
I
DON'T
KNOW
HOW
THE
FUCK
TO
GET
IT.

Each day blurs into the next -- and I am --

--still miserable at my job.
--still starved for something new and mentally stimulating to do: school, etc.
--still behind on all my bills and will probably have shitty credit forever.
--still unfulfilled as an artist.
--realizing I will probably be alone forever and never get laid for the rest of my pathetic existence. [At this point in my life, I don't even WANT any kind of relationship, not to mention that my sex drive is DEAD as a doornail]
--realizing that trying to go back to therapy is pointless and futile, yet I am still miserable, still hate life, and still hate myself.

And what the fuck do I do about it? NOTHING. Part of me is in agony over all of this, and part of me... just doesn't CARE.

I spend my time sitting in front of the computer doing bullshit, time-killing stuff. I don't keep up with the chores I assign to myself, I barely ever finish/follow up on projects or ideas... christ, I can't even manage to have a decent VACATION because I sleep til 1 or 2 p.m. every fucking day, therefore making it too late to take a day trip.

I wouldn't have needed to go somewhere EVERY day during my time off; but a little variety from doing the same shit I do DAILY would have been nice. But I just didn't have the motivation to go out and DO anything.

I also think I am becoming a bit agoraphobic, too -- which is probably part of the reason I don't feel like doing anything, EVER. Ever since L got rear-ended last December (I was w/ her at the time), I have been mildly terrified to ride for very long or very far in the car. I don't know why the fuck I get so SCARRED by these stupid instances in my life. I didn't even get HURT, and neither did she. What the fuck is wrong with me!?! Why can't I just get OVER shit like this?? I have been like that ever since I've been ALIVE.

I don't really believe in anything anymore, either. When I was a little kid, I still had a firm belief in God, blah blah blah. As I grew up, I completely abandoned the faith I was raised in (Catholicism), yet I still believed in God. Now I don't know what the fuck to believe anymore; I could probably be considered a pessimistic agnostic. I don't completely dismiss the possibility that God/etc. exists, but I basically feel that I am alone in this universe, that there is nobody "up there" who gives a fuck what happens to me, and that when I die, I'll just be switched off like a light. I am an insignificant speck of a speck of an atom of dust in this universe and my life ultimately means nothing.

I am alone, terrified, and hopeless. I am so fucking depressed right now that I feel sick to my stomach.

. . . . .

* Book Log

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 22:34:28 GMT

Updated 8/6/07

Book Log
Entries list in descending order; most recent entry listed first.

* Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund
Completed: First week of August, 2007
I'm pretty obsessed with all things related to Moby-Dick right now, so I flew through this one. It was pretty good/well-written, but sort of felt like a more-literate type of fan-fiction-meets-romance-novel -- ie, kind of corny and somewhat embarassing to read. Lots of talk of pregnancy, sewing, children, family, and "menses," since the story is told from a woman's point of view. The only real reason I liked this book at all is because Captain Ahab's in it.
Recommended? Yes and no. Meh. If Moby-Dick is a 10 out of 10, Ahab's Wife is about a 5.5 or a 6. Glad I got this one from the library.

** 8/6/2007 - Additional thoughts on Moby-Dick:
I bought the Norton Critical edition of it sometime last week and I'm glad I did. Lots more notes, glossary of terms, essays, pictures, diagrams, etc.

It's interesting to note an odd synchronicity about my experience with this piece of literature. In the Norton Critical edition, there is an essay by Harrison Hayford called Unnecessary Duplicates: A Key to the Writing of Moby-Dick, in which the writer observes the 'curious pattern of duplicates' throughout the book: Ishmael's lodging at two different inns; his departure from one whale port, then a second one; his camaraderie with first one future shipmate (Bulkington) and then another (Queequeg); the Pequod's not one, but three captains (2 being retired & mere owners of the ship, & Ahab being the actual captain); etc., etc.

I mention this essay because even before I bought the Norton Critical edition of Moby-Dick, I had a case of my own "unnecessary duplicates": I had asked for the book for Christmas last year, didn't get it, so I bought it on my own a couple of days later, only to be presented with ANOTHER copy of it -- the EXACT same book, same edition -- from my mother who had meant to buy it for me but had forgotten to until after the holidays. I had intended to return one but didn't. I kept one copy in my bag, in case I needed something to read wherever I found myself; and I kept the other copy next to my bed to read before falling asleep. And now I've got a third, albeit more elaborate, copy.

* Moby-Dick by Herman Melville
Completed: July 20, 2007
It took me forever to get through this. I'm not a slow reader, I just don't devote much time to reading anymore. I started Moby-Dick sometime in January, I think. Mostly, I'd read bits and pieces of it before falling asleep, so I'd usually only consume a few pages at a time. Since I've been on vacation, I've been determined to finish it, and I met that goal today.

Many things have been said about this book over the decades; some people love it, some hate it. It's definitely a challenging book (certain passages, anyway). I admit, there are several portions of it that are slow and almost boring to get through. But in the end, I definitely recognize it for what it is -- an exquisite piece of literature.

I do want to read it again. The copy I have (or rather, copies -- I bought one for myself and was given the exact same one as a gift) contains no reader's guide or notes whatsoever, other than the occasional notes included in the novel by Melville himself. I feel that I could get so much more out of if I read an edition with more footnotes & a glossary (there are a lot of nautical terms in the book that I'm not familiar with).
Recommended? Yes! -- NOT for the casual reader, though.

. . . . .

I have been Simpsonized

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 00:39:36 GMT

. . . . .

compare:

. . . . .